Sarah

A small planet

In space As the snow falls, slowly covering the garden of a thick luminous blanket, I see your dreams drifting, far away. I know where you have gone: somewhere to that corner of space where quantum science is centuries – perhaps millennia – ahead of ours, and where the soul of your friend is alive, learning, loving, perhaps reinventing you, computing those myriads of equations that are you, immersed in the universe…

Gabrielle invited us to visit her, at her place, in the old house you already knew. We went, and I am now convinced, against all logic, or perhaps because the logic of her presence is unassailable: she is who she claims to be, and Melissa is that long-lost friend of your childhood. The explanations Gabrielle gave us are more than plausible, not only they fit all the facts we know, your memories, the death of the young Melissa, and why Jane’s photograph did not show her avatar, they are the only explanation.

I know you believe, I know your mind is now at rest, that you have accepted the presence of your friend, in your dreams, and perhaps the prospect of her immortality. Now, I am wondering if you are not looking for a way to stay, to be there and here at the same time. For I know you have no intention of leaving me: Gabrielle’s words are still in my mind, “Sarah, you are Melissa, Julian has reinvented her in you, as much as I have recovered her memories and thoughts. Julian loves you more than life”. Which woman could doubt your love, Julian? Yet I know I cannot be Melissa. She is her own person, and neither Gabrielle nor I can claim to be her. The stronger link that unites the three of us is you: as I do not doubt that Gabrielle loves you, in a way that is proper to a being who is as old as our world.

So I am happy, the mystery is almost solved, though it leaves me with a sense of wonder that cannot disappear: how that little town of your childhood, all those years back, was visited by an intelligence beyond our wildest imagination.

And how we have become close to that being we know as Gabrielle. She said she was many, rather than a single person. They live in clusters of millions of intelligent minds, aggregated as it were, through the magic of quantum physics extended to a level far beyond our understanding. She said also that her views of mankind are being questioned, even challenged, by those of her species who are not as enthusiastic as she is about our evolution. Melissa says that that debate has been going on for several centuries, a few “hours” of their time, since their day is a revolution of their galaxy. Think! They were travelling through space when we were mere bacteria on this small planet! Julian: this adventure of ours is a marvel…

Married to you

My LoveLiving with you is a perpetual renewal. You take to books, faces, films, music, toys, in a vortex of likes and dislikes, ever changing, your mind surfing and yet taking in more than the appearances of people and their creations: you are still in a hurry, and for those who love you, it is a permanent wonder.

But I want to stop you, also, to make you reflect, and filter those images that haunt you, dampen that appetite for the new, the rediscovery of the old, your passion for mankind and its history, for its creations. For I cannot afford to lose you in that maelstrom, I have our lives, our love, to protect against the excesses of your imagination. For I know that the ghosts of your past are alive, somewhere, even if you wish to ignore them, or rather, ignore them for now. So, as your wife, I am not fearful, to the contrary, I am determined, and I am aware of my power, of my hold over you, Julian.

I know your thoughts, to me you cannot have any secret. Either here, in this city, your playground, or away, in the mountains that we both cherish, I read your soul, for me, you are for ever the naked lover who cannot hide anything.

Yet, in the past days, I have sensed a presence, diffuse and shadowy, hovering around us. And I do not know if this is your creation, a creature from the mist of your talent, or an alien form hunting for you. Is it alien to you? But maybe you are not aware of it yet?

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